Brup Rup!

Bruppy....
(The cronicles of a humble man named Mr. Tuesday)
I
'Bought a boat, right? didn't check it... had a hole in it... sank, right useless!'
Bruppy was very upset but this was a moment of great fortune.
II
After his boat sank Bruppy found himself at the bottom of the lake where he stumbled upon a magical clam named kimmy who promised to grant him three wish (after considerable rubbing of coarse) So he wished for a packet of bisto that never ran out...
Oh Bruppy what will you do next?
III
Having emerged from the lake he decided to go 'up north' and to his delight a boat came in with a man selling lobsters for £40. And they were fresh, correct?
IV
Bruppy needed a kitchen to cook these lobsters so he rubbed his magic clam and asked for a kitchen well stocked with all the stock he could ever want. He served a delicious banquet of fresh lobsters on mash witha side of brup rup and a 'nicy gravy' (dipping into his magic packet of bisto) The towns people were overjoyed and awarded his best bar food in all the land... Well done Bruppy!
V
Being a smart man, Bruppy reasoned that if the people believed that it was the best food he could serve pretty much any old brup from tesco and laugh all the way to the casino! Oh Bruppy you'll bury us all!
VI
It was at the casino that he found his first love... A team dressed in blue and white.
'Put a bet on, right three nil, right? paid off £300... lovely'
A long burning passion for Chelsea football club was born.
VII
Bruppy avoided spending his winnings on food by amazing inventiveness. The awesome power of that magical after dinner cheese:-
Hallumi!
VIII
Realising that the magical clam was only good for one more wish he decided to take her as his wife and they lived together in an enchanted hotel with an everchanging name and eternally warm baths for him to dip into whenever he pleased. Good one Bruppy!
IX
Bruppy endeared hiself to all being such a smooth operator with his flatcap, excelent pronunciation and enchanting musk aroma... Pint of miller mate!
X
And so having won the hearts of all. Bruppy again went wandering to that magical land of 'up north' returning with more fresh produce and to keep up the good report with his many friends.
XI
Thanks to his savvy Bruppy saved even more money with his revelation that the staff don't work for him. After all the chefs provide all the service. They sure do Bruppy... We'd be lost without your insight!
XII
However not everyone was happy with Bruppy's rule, seeds of rebellion were being sewn, so Bruppy made another savvy bruppy move and decided to starve the revolting peasants .. so ensuring his place on high ans the secure flow of mash and brup rup to the reptile folk and the chosen followers of Bruppy...
XIII
His attempts to crush the rebellion would backfire quickly as Gondor and Rivendell united and hatched a plan to kidnap the rubber duckie of Mordor
XIV
Having being defeated and the black gates closed, he needed a new career to survive.... The once great bruppy was now reduced to a humble life as Gus, the lovable chimney sweep.
XV
But don't worry Bruppy... There are those who still hold out hope for a return of the good days of baths, mash, bisto, Brup Rup, and those magical gems of wisdom that spill from you like so many answers to questions that nobody asked.
XVI
Bruppy strikes back! But of course how could a man with so much to say and so much talent be kept down for so long? He is after all the only good looking guy that any of us know that isn't gay, and the sheer brilliance of his wit and vocabulary nakes us all feel a little like gold fish when ever we speak to him.
How can you keep a man like that down, a man who always looks on the bright side.